Tuesday, October 30, 2018

Karan Johar, The Agony Uncle

While I drove to my office cutting through the organized chaos on a regular basis and suffering mental agony, the only source of retaining my mental sanctity, was listening to some soothing music. It helped me lower my rage towards the fellow commuters who at will drove their so called vehicles in all possible directions giving scant respect to others. My overly abusive mind slowed down and instituted some sense in me. Thanks to the radio channels playing some lovely music. Though there are a few FM music channels wherein the RJs talk incessantly and that too crap, playing music if they get time between their perennial lip service. This only added fuel to the fire, my burgeoning road rage. This bullshit forced me to drop some sarcastic tweets to the RJs who made my life miserable. Gods took pity on me and accidentally introduced me to a channel which played only music and no marathon shitty chats by the RJs. Since then I was all ears to this melodious radio channel. My commute life to office improved for good and my murdering rage gave place to love and empathy for the fellow commuters. Life was beautiful until an advertisement at a regular interval started bombarding, promoting a self-proclaimed “LOVE GURU”, an agony uncle advising love birds on their love life. His first season being an instant hit??? only confirmed my belief that there are multitudes of dumber's, oafs, jackasses all around us. Let’s delve into the second season of this buffoonery.

Love, Life n Locha

Karan I am a married woman and I had a love marriage, everything was fine until my love life turned sour, my prince of my dreams suddenly became a mama’s boy, what should I do? I am disturbed.

Karan I found my boyfriend sleeping around and when confronted he denied saying it is all crap and rumors. I am sure he is a culprit, but I am in  a fix, please help.

I am married for 2 years but since last 8 months or so I and my husband are sleeping in different rooms, there is no conversation or physical intimacy between us. Please help me.

A husband complaining, my wife ignores me since giving birth to our first child, she simply does not have time for me to converse, leave aside physical intimacy. How can I bring back my wife from motherhood to being my wife?

This is a gem - I am a lovely romantic girl having a very sober boyfriend. Many a times I feel like having fun (she meant sex) but my boyfriend simply rejects my idea. What should I do?

Karan, I am a great fan of your romantic movies and I know, only you can solve my problem. I am going steady with my girlfriend and having great time, until my ex came into my life, now, I don’t know whom to say YES or NO. I know you have handled many such situations in your films, so please advise on my predicament, conundrum.

Rationality, What animal is it?

I got to hear all these humorous problems from Dumbo’s who took the Agony Uncle program named "Calling Karan" too seriously. Karan Johar is not complaining at all, he is laughing all the way to the bank, minting money by discussing people’s love problems.

First n foremost I don’t believe in the premise that Karan Johar is advising the lovers on their love problems because he has made some hit romantic movies which had loads of romance, love and melodrama and that he has great mastery in handling the emotion of romance and love in his movies. He understands love and its intricacies like no other. If this was true, then the Ramsay bros famous for making horror movies, would be good at exorcism and they would be the best bet in advising people on driving out spirits from their homes, or rescuing people possessed by evil spirits or ghosts. Or for that matter Hitchcock would have solved many a mysteries which otherwise are still an enigma.

What baffles me the most is the fact that rationale thinking is becoming a thing of past especially with generation Y. Also it is understood that we don’t wash our dirty linen in public, isn’t it?

Thursday, March 30, 2017

The Utopia

Do you know what Utopia is? Where does it really exists? I always thought Utopia was a figment of human imagination, wishful thinking as we call it. I was always made to believe Utopia resides in stories we read and is a bookish phenomenon. I have been earnestly doing my bit to find Utopia, posing questions to people with wisdom, inquiring what all it takes to create an Utopia, A perfect place where only happiness, joy reside, a Shangri-La. Where pain, sorrow, misery, despondency stands no chance and are kept at bay. My effort to find that Utopia bore no fruit for a long time, intellectuals and pessimist termed me a fool and drove me away. My odyssey in search of the elusive Utopia almost came to an end, dejected, I gave up my yearning to find that perfect place. With me all at sea, my neighbor, a strapping nerd in his teens took pity and inquired about my well-being and offered me to help. With utter disdain I dismissed him and blurred…. A green horn like you who does not understand what life means, cannot help me find the Perfect Place, called Utopia. My statement laden with hint of maturity was equally dismissed by this nerd rendering me an inexperienced bloke… With affirmation he thundered he would show me that perfect place I was desperately looking for…. Without any further ado he took me to the perfect land….. The land where everything was perfect, happiness, joy oozing from every activity. Mortals sashaying their achievements and possessions like there was no tomorrow. Not a hint of sorrow was sensed, but only celebrations, happiness and exhibition of joie de vivre. Welcome to “Facebook”.

Indeed an Utopia

I was thrilled to find the Utopia at last. What amazed me was, a nerd whose experience of life, tantamount to truth within a compulsive liar had showed me the elusive. With a big hurrah my foray into the Utopian land of Facebook commenced. I could see happiness, joy everywhere with pictures of millennials splurging in the most exotic locales, dining at the best restaurants, selfies at all possible locations were spread everywhere. Pictures of folks flaunting their latest grabs decorated the walls of this Utopian land. Women with new sartorial ensemble were making the men go weak in their knees. People wishing each other for the festivities simply made my eyes moist. Each and every citizen of this land was in a happy space and it showed prominently in their dealings. There were no foes only friends and that too in tune of thousands, all living in absolute harmony. This urge of every citizen to let others know of their every day to day actions simply took my breath away. So much of care being bestowed in this land was an eye opener for me. They all were an epitome of model citizens and members of “Mutual Admiration Society”, a definite trait worth imbibing. Promotion of each other was a given and a cause of jealousy for the inferior outside world. People of all ages playing games and inviting others to participate only showed the positive vibe within this tribe in the Utopian land. Fun frolic and entertainment was a day to day affair in this land. Appreciating each other’s state of affairs and updates is a norm here no matter if they made sense to them. So much of empathy, trust was indeed a lesson to be learnt by the selfish world outside. Any evidence of Bad Blood here…..? Nah… only bonhomie.

Utopia Pre-Requisites

Mood upbeat, happiness all around, fun unlimited, social life at all-time high, this land scores above everyone when overall satisfaction and happiness quotient is measured. Citizens of this land are ranked the most joyous lot on our planet earth. The day to day festivities in this land only induces jealously in the outside world, jealously which incites them to call this land of happiness fake, obnoxious and full of swagger. Is this a case of grapes gone sour??? I think so!! This name calling does not hinder the happy citizens to flaunt, brag or slow down their carnival. I hope all the naysayers, doubters will finally admit to the existence of Utopia, and if you ignore it, do it at your own peril. So all the wannabes who wish to get the citizenship of this land, should have following pre-requisites:
  • You should be ready to forgo all your private moments spent with your family, friends by sharing them will all.
  • You should be able to brag about your possessions and flaunt it without giving a damn.
  • You should be able to announce even the slightest of achievement / no achievement in life to the people with a lot of aplomb.
  • You should be ready to befriend one and all irrespective of knowing their identities.
  • You should have an in built trait of annoying and inducing jealousy amongst the people.
  • Most importantly you should be an active member taking part in all activities of this land, even though you are not even remotely connected to them and is beyond your comprehension.
So if you are confident of having these qualities, you can definitely be part of this Utopian land. So what are you waiting for, doors to Utopia beckon you to have a time of your life with fun frolic unlimited. Join Facebook the new age land of Utopia.

Friday, September 30, 2016

Mossad: Enemy's Worst Nightmare

Al Qaeda, Hamas, Hezbollah, ISIS, Muslim brotherhood, Taliban are some of the names which you are familiar with, and you also know what they have done and can do. The very mention of these names, which are synonymous with violence and bloodshed, can send shivers down the spine. No one would ever like to confront them in any form, leave aside be their bĂȘte noir. They have spread their tentacles across continents creating mayhem and fear and have waged a war against the human life and its existence. They show no sympathy or remorse and are ruthless to the core. Their only Do is to take life. This prelude is enough to describe what they are up to. Now imagine what would you do if they are your neighbor and their presence is as close as ones shadow? Mind numbing thought it is, one that can turn you into an epitome of fear, but amid all these adversaries one nation stands tall and is giving its enemy a nightmare they won’t forget. The tiny nation is Israel, the land of Jews. Israel has Syria, Egypt, Iraq, Jordan and Palestine as its neighbor’s whose only aim is to decimate Israel, obliterate it once and for all, but they have failed miserably against the firm resolve and iron fist that Israel is, Israel has proved to be their Perpetual Nemesis.

ISIS, Hamas, Hezbollah, Al Qaeda
Israel surrounded by agents of death

Mossad the Marauder

As you all know Jews all over the world were targeted and executed in the past, the famous being their execution at the hands of Hitler. Over 3 million Jews lost their lives due to anti-Semitic, anti-Zionist views of the so called Aryan Supremacist. May be because of this immense loss, their resolve to sustain and grow has increased manifold. Mossad their secret service has a major role to play in what Israel is today, besides their leaders. Mossad is one of the most dangerous, cunning, powerful secret service in the world, and who better than their enemies would know it. They don’t leave a stone unturned to protect their countrymen but also avenge every single killing of Jews anywhere in the world. Their ferocious nature and extreme love for their country has helped them defend a country which is surrounded by agents of death, who are sworn enemies of Israel. Any attempt to threaten Israel, its people is taken very seriously and a Mossad juggernaut is unleashed on the enemy.

Israel's Secret Service - Mossad

Israel’s readiness in avenging any mischief was lauded by George Bush, when he said of an Israeli PM, “I like him, for he has got balls”. This was in reference to the Israeli PM deciding to go ahead and avenge the enemy without the help from the US. The point to stress is, they don’t let any evil eye cast on its people, go unpunished with or without anybody's help. Its enemies have tried umpteen times to decimate Israel but in vain, instead they were at the receiving end. Ask Hamas, Hezbollah and many others about their tryst with the Mossad. Mossad is very particular about not letting away any of his perpetrators, they find each and every one and is given a sendoff from the planet Earth. The testimony to this is the Munich attack on the Israeli athletes. Everyone who was responsible for the carnage was tracked down in various parts of the world and wiped off. This means a lot when we see the Mumbai attackers still roaming free. To know more about their daring stories, read the book Mossad:The greatest missions of the Israeli Secret Service

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Follow Mossad

With Israel and Mossad restraint is no restraint, a single mischief is enough for them to castigate the misdemeanor. They don’t waste time in talks when they know it’s not going to make a difference. Their moto of "attack is the best form of defense" has helped them make such a telling statement, that no one dare cross swords with them, and even if they do, they pay a heavy price. Mossad’s fearsome reputation deters its enemies to not provoke them or get into their bad books, for it can result in loss of their life. This attitude is what we need to develop to keep our unruly neighbors in check.

The kind of restraint we show towards our enemy, thought of sharing this article with you all. But good sense have prevailed and we have given it back to the enemy.