Like every Indian I am a fan of Hindi films and have grown up watching and savoring those quintessential Hindi films, with lots of family drama, melodrama, action and much more. It’s a proud moment that Indian cinema has completed 100 years. I like to call this cine industry of ours as “Hindi Film Industry” and not Bollywood, for it smells of plagiarism. Bollywood name also confuses many; one of my western colleagues thought Bollywood is named so because it produces B grade movies???? What??????. This was a shocker, and after this incident my resolve to call it Hindi Film industry became even stronger. We make around 1000 movies a year, that’s a hugeeee number by any means. The quality of the movies is questionable though. Indian films and in particular Hindi films have gone through a sea of change, be it subject, costumes, music, action, technology and many more, but something has not changed and I have always wondered why these certain scenes are treated and filmed the way they used to, some 20 years back or even more? Many a times these otherwise serious scenes seem funny to me and evoke laughter in me. Let’s have a sneak review into some of the scenes which you must have seen umpteen times but have not changed a bit all these years. Don't they evoke humor, intrigue in you ?
Scene 1 Hero’s mother on death bed – Mother of the hero has been shot and she is bleeding profusely, her head on the hero’s lap, everyone in somber mood including hero’s friends, the heroine, and a whole lot. The mother starts to mouth dialogues, sample this
Mother: Beta my time is up now, take care, be good.
In between, she takes few deep breaths indicating her dire state
Hero: No Maa you cannot leave me, I won’t leave you.
Bhagwan ke liye muze chod ke mat jao,
Tumhare siva kuan hai mera is duniya main etc. etc.
This goes on for a while.....
While this is happening, nobody ever bothers to take her to the hospital or call an ambulance, what man why are you fooling around get her to the hospital, move your (beep) get moving buddy, but no, they are hell bent on killing her, and this give and take between the mother and the hero continues for good 5-10 minutes before she finally shuts her mouth for good.
I have never understood this scene and it has not changed a bit over the years The movie makes have not learnt a lesson. No one moves his or her (beep) all this long, or calls an ambulance, just continue sobbing, pitying her and her son. You jackass people have you not been taught in school, if someone is injured, badly hurt, you rush them to hospital? But these dumbo’s around in this scene are not sane and no point in having them around if they cannot do the needful. Why the hell the hero wants such Dumbo’s around or part of his group is beyond my understanding. Hero is no different, competing with his moribund mother on who can emote better and shed liters of salty water. He shows no alacrity in saving his mother, and keeps delaying, mouthing useless dialogues, believe me I smell some sinister plan here, it seems the hero himself does not want to save his mother, for she may prove to be a "kabab main haddi" later. Now that’s the real reason I think I have inferred from this scene.
Scene 2 Lame Heroines – I always think heroines in Hindi films to be a big liability for the hero. You would say why so? Why this sexist remark? The reasons are abound.
1) First and foremost they get easily kidnapped and the hero is in big trouble.
2) They simply obliterate all the plans made by hero to score over the villain.
3) They would blur out most secret information in front of their close friends (read sahelis) which may prove fatal.
4) They will never listen to the hero, their lover. If he says don’t go there its dangerous for you my love, they would simply ignore it and do as they feel and then get kidnapped.
Big problem for the hero isn’t it? Why why they have to act such stupidly, when they know they cannot take care of themselves, and this specific scene will prove why I called them a liability.
Firstly the hero has to risk his life to rescue her, that’s done and he has untied, uncaged her from the clutches of the villain, now Imagine a fierce battle is on between the hero and the villain, the villain has hit the hero badly and the hero is on the ground with the villain over him tying to slit his throat with a knife or trying to shoot him with a pistol in his hand, the heroine who is freed now is in the vicinity would do nothing but shout at the top of his voice, Rahul woh tumhe maar dega, Battamij mere Rahul ko Chod de, Rahul main tumhare bina nahi ji sakti. C’mon if that’s the case do something why just shout, get moving, pick up the wooden rod which is lying un attended nearby, shove it into the villain’s (beep), try to hit him with a stone or even tickle him so that he leaves your lover and the poor chap gets a chance to show his bravado, but no she won’t do anything just keep shouting, crying hurling abuses at the villain. I fail to understand this scene in Hindi films why they show the heroine so lame. Seeing her howling and doing nothing during this precarious situation, the hero would also think twice before marrying this lame heroine of his. In frustration he might just shout at her, "Are chup, kyu chilati ho kuch kar, woh banduk utha chala goli, is gunde ko maar nahi to who muze maar dega." Time has changed movies have changed but this scene has not changed, the heroine continues to be a liability for the hero, doing nothing.
Scene 3 Dance extravaganza – This is a master of all scenes. The hero and heroine are romancing in a beautiful garden, dancing or participating in mass drill???. I wonder why they have to do these jumps, somersaults while dancing, why can’t they stick to regular dance steps, and when do they get time to change their fancy clothes? I did not see them changing? Did you? Fair enough it’s their clothes and their wish to change it or not, but but why are those hordes of men and women dancing behind them? Let the hero and heroine enjoy their solitude, why you want to play spoil sport buddies? I have never ever understood this scene with over 100 men and women dancing behind, in front and all around the hero and the heroine, what’s the need, can someone tell me please? Poor lovers they have no privacy even when they want to get intimate. BTW they do get intimate during their dance routine. They will always have time for it; no matter how much tired they are after all those jumps, running around trees and somersaults. And when they get intimate, is it mandatory for the couples dancing with them to copy them? This is hilarious stuff with the couples moving their lips close to one another, hugging each other all in perfect rhythm. It looks like a massive orgy......
Have you ever heard / seen people doing break dance with pelvic thrusts a la Michael Jackson, in a temple? You might not have heard or seen it, but I have seen this with my own eyes in many movies. Now what on earth forced the intelligent director to shoot such a scene where besides the dancing couple, number of on lookers jump on to do an impromptu jig in the temple premises, to give the protagonists competition? And why did they choose to do a break dance in the temple, are they mad? Doing the pelvic moves in the temple premises is sacrilege buddy? You would be hurting sentiments of many people, don’t you know that? First and foremost I think temple or any other religious place is not a place for break dance or for that matter disco, reggae, samba, rumba etc.; it is predominantly done on a dance floor in a discotheque or such forum. So my earnest requests to all the film makers, don’t torture the audience with this kind of crap. I am pretty sure how much we criticize, this dance masti will continue forever even if it makes sense or not.
Scene 4 Hero the Super hero – One man army is a popular scene in all the Hindi or other regional movies, where this one hero of whatever shape or size is decimating hundreds of goons alone with his fist of fury, or guns if he is lucky to have them. Why this over the top action, can’t we have some action which is palatable to even a loony person? How come this one guy kills all the goons and not get hit or hurt even though the goons have all the WMDs at their disposal? What I infer from this is, either the hero is a close relative of Yam and he has given our hero a wish that he would never be killed or the villain seriously needs to get rid of these incompetent good for nothing goons who cannot kill a single person. The villain needs to have a major over haul of his army, or else his life is in jeopardy. These scenes also show the goons attacking the hero either alone or in a pair. If the villain is so desperate to get this guy killed why not just ask his cronies to let loose on the hero at one go? No human being can survive if he is attacked this way, but no the director has different plans. It’s his movie, he is the one who decides what happens and how, but my dear director portray it in such a way, that the audience would believe it. But no, that’s not done.
One more scene which I fail to comprehend is, the hero is almost moribund but still has enough strength to fight the goons, even lift them and send them to hell, from where does he get so much strength, Horlicks, Boost, Complan, Shilajit? A dying man can barely lift a cup, here he is lifting a good full grown human, how is this my director friend, can’t you curtail this over the top action and portray the hero within his limits? The audience is bored of this and wants to see some new stuff, most importantly believable.
Scene 5 Rich girl falls in love with a poor boy – A big hall, all decorated beautifully, it’s the heroine’s b’day. She is draped in a stunning ensemble but is sad and gingerly chatting with her snobbish sahelis. The father of the heroine in his Armani suit is greeting his over smart rich friends. After this bonhomie he asks her to cut the cake, but no, she wants her love of life the hero to be present, but where is he? He is of course debarred from this party by the father. He does not approve of her rich daughter’s choice of a low class guy who leaves in a chawl and has a younger sister and a mother to look after. The father has also put a notice outside for the hero “Trespassers will be prosecuted”. But what a surprise the hero makes a grand entry amidst lots of chaos and fights with the gatekeepers. Heroine is stunned, those gloomy eyes begin to glow in happiness she runs and hugs the hero. The father seething in anger, but does nothing, since he is strictly told not to disturb the hero for he is going to sing a song now, and not just a song but a melodious song, plus he is also going to show some cool dancing steps. Take that.
Now the cake cutting happens and the heroine eats a piece of cake only from the hero’s hand. Now Now all this time, the father is gnawing, smoldering. How dare this gande naali ka keeda insult me in my own house? But he absolutely does nothing even though he has all the means to get rid of this gate crasher. The hero starts singing, dancing, hugging smooching the heroine, but the father just fumes and is stay put. I always fail to understand this scene, when he detests the daughter’s lover so much why the hell he waits till the song is complete to throw this guy out? Does he like listening to people sing and dance? Or is he a great Himmesh Reshmmaiya fan, that he loves this chocked voice? Or simply it is an event which the event management co. has arranged for which the heroine’s father has paid a huge sum? What is it that stops him from throwing this hone wala damad out of his house and relieving everybody present there of the simmering tension? That’s not going to happen for sure audience.This scene simply amuses me no bounds. And when the 3 stanza’s of the song comes to an end and the hero heroine are in each other’s arms, that’s when the father fumes and attacks the hero and orders his cronies to get rid of this guy. Now what logic is this? The father had every time in the world to stop this song and dance routine and not allow his daughter get close to his bête noire. My inference of this scene is, the father does not want to let go any opportunity, where he would get to listen to Himmesh’s melodious???? song and watch some real cool dance steps choreographed by saroj khan. Don’t you think this is the real reason?
Scene 1 Hero’s mother on death bed – Mother of the hero has been shot and she is bleeding profusely, her head on the hero’s lap, everyone in somber mood including hero’s friends, the heroine, and a whole lot. The mother starts to mouth dialogues, sample this
Mother: Beta my time is up now, take care, be good.
In between, she takes few deep breaths indicating her dire state
Hero: No Maa you cannot leave me, I won’t leave you.
Bhagwan ke liye muze chod ke mat jao,
Tumhare siva kuan hai mera is duniya main etc. etc.
This goes on for a while.....
While this is happening, nobody ever bothers to take her to the hospital or call an ambulance, what man why are you fooling around get her to the hospital, move your (beep) get moving buddy, but no, they are hell bent on killing her, and this give and take between the mother and the hero continues for good 5-10 minutes before she finally shuts her mouth for good.
I have never understood this scene and it has not changed a bit over the years The movie makes have not learnt a lesson. No one moves his or her (beep) all this long, or calls an ambulance, just continue sobbing, pitying her and her son. You jackass people have you not been taught in school, if someone is injured, badly hurt, you rush them to hospital? But these dumbo’s around in this scene are not sane and no point in having them around if they cannot do the needful. Why the hell the hero wants such Dumbo’s around or part of his group is beyond my understanding. Hero is no different, competing with his moribund mother on who can emote better and shed liters of salty water. He shows no alacrity in saving his mother, and keeps delaying, mouthing useless dialogues, believe me I smell some sinister plan here, it seems the hero himself does not want to save his mother, for she may prove to be a "kabab main haddi" later. Now that’s the real reason I think I have inferred from this scene.
Scene 2 Lame Heroines – I always think heroines in Hindi films to be a big liability for the hero. You would say why so? Why this sexist remark? The reasons are abound.
1) First and foremost they get easily kidnapped and the hero is in big trouble.
2) They simply obliterate all the plans made by hero to score over the villain.
3) They would blur out most secret information in front of their close friends (read sahelis) which may prove fatal.
4) They will never listen to the hero, their lover. If he says don’t go there its dangerous for you my love, they would simply ignore it and do as they feel and then get kidnapped.
Big problem for the hero isn’t it? Why why they have to act such stupidly, when they know they cannot take care of themselves, and this specific scene will prove why I called them a liability.
Firstly the hero has to risk his life to rescue her, that’s done and he has untied, uncaged her from the clutches of the villain, now Imagine a fierce battle is on between the hero and the villain, the villain has hit the hero badly and the hero is on the ground with the villain over him tying to slit his throat with a knife or trying to shoot him with a pistol in his hand, the heroine who is freed now is in the vicinity would do nothing but shout at the top of his voice, Rahul woh tumhe maar dega, Battamij mere Rahul ko Chod de, Rahul main tumhare bina nahi ji sakti. C’mon if that’s the case do something why just shout, get moving, pick up the wooden rod which is lying un attended nearby, shove it into the villain’s (beep), try to hit him with a stone or even tickle him so that he leaves your lover and the poor chap gets a chance to show his bravado, but no she won’t do anything just keep shouting, crying hurling abuses at the villain. I fail to understand this scene in Hindi films why they show the heroine so lame. Seeing her howling and doing nothing during this precarious situation, the hero would also think twice before marrying this lame heroine of his. In frustration he might just shout at her, "Are chup, kyu chilati ho kuch kar, woh banduk utha chala goli, is gunde ko maar nahi to who muze maar dega." Time has changed movies have changed but this scene has not changed, the heroine continues to be a liability for the hero, doing nothing.
Have you ever heard / seen people doing break dance with pelvic thrusts a la Michael Jackson, in a temple? You might not have heard or seen it, but I have seen this with my own eyes in many movies. Now what on earth forced the intelligent director to shoot such a scene where besides the dancing couple, number of on lookers jump on to do an impromptu jig in the temple premises, to give the protagonists competition? And why did they choose to do a break dance in the temple, are they mad? Doing the pelvic moves in the temple premises is sacrilege buddy? You would be hurting sentiments of many people, don’t you know that? First and foremost I think temple or any other religious place is not a place for break dance or for that matter disco, reggae, samba, rumba etc.; it is predominantly done on a dance floor in a discotheque or such forum. So my earnest requests to all the film makers, don’t torture the audience with this kind of crap. I am pretty sure how much we criticize, this dance masti will continue forever even if it makes sense or not.
Scene 4 Hero the Super hero – One man army is a popular scene in all the Hindi or other regional movies, where this one hero of whatever shape or size is decimating hundreds of goons alone with his fist of fury, or guns if he is lucky to have them. Why this over the top action, can’t we have some action which is palatable to even a loony person? How come this one guy kills all the goons and not get hit or hurt even though the goons have all the WMDs at their disposal? What I infer from this is, either the hero is a close relative of Yam and he has given our hero a wish that he would never be killed or the villain seriously needs to get rid of these incompetent good for nothing goons who cannot kill a single person. The villain needs to have a major over haul of his army, or else his life is in jeopardy. These scenes also show the goons attacking the hero either alone or in a pair. If the villain is so desperate to get this guy killed why not just ask his cronies to let loose on the hero at one go? No human being can survive if he is attacked this way, but no the director has different plans. It’s his movie, he is the one who decides what happens and how, but my dear director portray it in such a way, that the audience would believe it. But no, that’s not done.
One more scene which I fail to comprehend is, the hero is almost moribund but still has enough strength to fight the goons, even lift them and send them to hell, from where does he get so much strength, Horlicks, Boost, Complan, Shilajit? A dying man can barely lift a cup, here he is lifting a good full grown human, how is this my director friend, can’t you curtail this over the top action and portray the hero within his limits? The audience is bored of this and wants to see some new stuff, most importantly believable.
Scene 5 Rich girl falls in love with a poor boy – A big hall, all decorated beautifully, it’s the heroine’s b’day. She is draped in a stunning ensemble but is sad and gingerly chatting with her snobbish sahelis. The father of the heroine in his Armani suit is greeting his over smart rich friends. After this bonhomie he asks her to cut the cake, but no, she wants her love of life the hero to be present, but where is he? He is of course debarred from this party by the father. He does not approve of her rich daughter’s choice of a low class guy who leaves in a chawl and has a younger sister and a mother to look after. The father has also put a notice outside for the hero “Trespassers will be prosecuted”. But what a surprise the hero makes a grand entry amidst lots of chaos and fights with the gatekeepers. Heroine is stunned, those gloomy eyes begin to glow in happiness she runs and hugs the hero. The father seething in anger, but does nothing, since he is strictly told not to disturb the hero for he is going to sing a song now, and not just a song but a melodious song, plus he is also going to show some cool dancing steps. Take that.
Now the cake cutting happens and the heroine eats a piece of cake only from the hero’s hand. Now Now all this time, the father is gnawing, smoldering. How dare this gande naali ka keeda insult me in my own house? But he absolutely does nothing even though he has all the means to get rid of this gate crasher. The hero starts singing, dancing, hugging smooching the heroine, but the father just fumes and is stay put. I always fail to understand this scene, when he detests the daughter’s lover so much why the hell he waits till the song is complete to throw this guy out? Does he like listening to people sing and dance? Or is he a great Himmesh Reshmmaiya fan, that he loves this chocked voice? Or simply it is an event which the event management co. has arranged for which the heroine’s father has paid a huge sum? What is it that stops him from throwing this hone wala damad out of his house and relieving everybody present there of the simmering tension? That’s not going to happen for sure audience.This scene simply amuses me no bounds. And when the 3 stanza’s of the song comes to an end and the hero heroine are in each other’s arms, that’s when the father fumes and attacks the hero and orders his cronies to get rid of this guy. Now what logic is this? The father had every time in the world to stop this song and dance routine and not allow his daughter get close to his bête noire. My inference of this scene is, the father does not want to let go any opportunity, where he would get to listen to Himmesh’s melodious???? song and watch some real cool dance steps choreographed by saroj khan. Don’t you think this is the real reason?
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| Save Me From Torture |
No matter how much we criticize, compare Indian films with western or other films, we all love Hindi / Indian films to the hilt. We all have loved, relished these scenes, song and dance routines and flocked the theaters to get a glimpse of this cultural potpourri, and we will continue to do so till eternity.
Films versus Films
